"Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me; lay any burden on me, only sustain me; and sever every tie, but the tie that binds me to Thy service and Thy heart."
-David Livingstone.
A servant, in Webster's is defined as "a person employed to perform services for another." A slave is defined as "a human being who is owned as property by and is absolutely subject to the will of another."
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it is about caring and loving your relatives and friends, while you can touch and see them, and they are still among us."
*I found this quote today and I instantly connected with it! I have been reminded so much of this thought lately. I want to love more, care more, and show the people I love my love for them. And not wait till the perfect moment or right time. That might never happen. We have no promise of our next breath.*
This morning i sit here and look out my window. The sky is gray, the rain is gently falling, and i got tea on the stove brewing! Such a beautiful, mysterious day! I love rain... But let me add in moderation! Because i LOVE the sun as well and to many rainy days can make one blue after awhile. But today i like it. Fits my mood! Not that i feel gray no not at all. But a perfect day to sit and read and think about the happenings of the past few days. My boyfriend ended up in the hospital on Saturday afternoon. I don't understand all the medical words and terms, but he got poison on his hand about a week ago and it got infected and somehow, something, yeah went wrong. I never before had such a helpless feeling come over me. When i got the call Saturday eve. that he went in i felt a million miles away. Not knowing what is wrong or if he is gonna die... And having no way of getting to him fast. God he is yours! I had to let go! I feel God has brought it to me to teach me something. Not sure what all yet but i feel it has reason. Cause nothing happens with out reason. But i am rejoicing!! He is still alive and feeling much better. Thank you God!
I noticed i never mentioned his name in my previous post... :) you might be curious who this man is!!
Yes i am still here and i am still alive! Wow so much, so much has happened this past month. Almost to much for me and my brain to process and think through. And i thought when i came home from Bible School i had a lot to think about and process.Sometimes i wish i would not think so much... how does one stop thinking? But i am very excited!!! God has given me a huge gift, bigger and better then i could ever have asked for or imagined. So it all started like this... i met this wonderful man at Bible School, he was the asst. dean of men. I thought he was a very nice man and yet never imagined God would actually allow it to ever happen that we would get together. Why do i doubt God and his goodness? And his perfect plan for my life? This new phase of my life feels very new, risky, and i feel unlearned, and yet very secure in this being God's plan for my life now. And i am so excited!!! We had our first date March 25!
My younger brother James got married on March 19 in Florida. So the whole family was down there together. A first for us! But in the midst of the joy of marriage and being with family, God choose to take my dear Grandma home to be with him. She was 93 years old, and died suddenly. We knew she had been going down hill the past month but we got the call Thursday morning (2 days before the wedding) that she is dying and in 1 hr she was gone. So that totally changed our plans. We had all been planning to stay down there for the following week and hang out as a family. But instead we came home on Sunday. So i had 4 days to enjoy the sunshine!!
And yes God has been filling me up! In many different ways... in one way just being by myself and having him show me HE is enough!
I am learning how to TRUST more, and live my life out of my control! Allowing God to have all control. I dare you to try it! Be ready for the ride of your life, and for God to take you many vulnerable places! I am learning to jump off the cliffs God brings me to and jumping into his arms!
Yeah i am home! Where is home these days? Hmmmm one has to wonder!!!
Yesterday I returned from being at Heritage for 7 weeks, and have been sleeping and thinking ever since!! :) It feels wonderful to be back in my own house and sleep in my own bed and just relax with no responsibility. Yet responsibility has a way of teaching you many hard things, and helping you grow!
I feel empty....
And have been wondering how to fill up again.
God fill my cup I pray!
I am now at Heritage Bible School as Dean of women!! AHHH not sure what that is to mean? ! :) The title sounds so .... ??? hmmm Well it is just like this i feel i have much to learn and grow in and i have a long way to go in my journey with God and suddenly i am stuck in this spot where... i don't have answers and i need them, and i don't have wisdom, but i need it, and so I feel ... i have so little to offer, so i say Lord take my loaves and fishes and use them to your glory and for your purpose.
Well we have made it through the first week of Bible School!! Praise the Lord!
We have a great group of students! And i am loving getting to know everyone and meeting all the new people! It is awesome to hear all the stories of each girl and to see their hearts. There are so many young people searching and seeking God and want what is right but there is such a hard pull there to follow the wrong spirit and the battle is just so strong! I am so thankful for my Creator and my Master to carry me and walk with me in the journey! Without him i would not be! So i continue to pray and i continue to cry out to Him for strength and for wisdom.
Home? How will that be? America? What does it look like? What about all the poor friends i met? Is it fair for me to come back to my large house in vantage hills and drive down roads that are smooth? To go to church and have it be warm and we sit on benches that even have cushions? To have more than one sweater plus a few coats? Warm socks without holes? And then think i still need more things? And what do I do with all my things, other then store and fill a room in my house with what i don't use. Why? Why? Why am I, are we so consumed with things? And then we have Bible Schools to go to, bible studies to have, Sunday School, books to read... But what do i do with all of it? With all the teaching, all I have been given? I am afraid to admit what i to often do, just keep it all for myself. And don't use it as i could.
I just have much to process and think as i sit here at the airport and think of making this transition back to my world again!
We have finally been able to see all the mountains around us! It is totally incredible!
Just another picture of the mountains. This day we just drove all around and went to all the view points that we could. We just could not get enough of the beautiful views! God's creation is so amazing. I am having a hard time taking it all in! It is pictures you would see in magazines and my small camera just doesn't seem to get the big picture. I want to just stand in awe so many times just looking and trying to grasp the beauty of it all!
